Letter of gratitude for Kim Sung Kyu Nim
Letter of gratitude for 김선교님
안녕하세요.
저를 소개하겠습니다.
제 이름은 Lavinia입니다.
I'm not an Ispirit fan. Instead I'm an INFINITE-logist.
INFINITE-logy = the art and science of studying the history, the music and personalities of the South Korean musical phenomenon boy band called INFINITE.
Reading the English version of "Dear Evan Hansen", it made me want to do the same: writing a therapeutic letter to myself, with a few differences. First, I don't have the personality, behavior and age of Evan; my salvation came from Heaven and Earth. Although this letter is public, contains my thoughts and feelings that describes very painful months of my life, the end is about being grateful.
I'm writing this letter of gratitude for INFINITE Korean musical band leader, Kim Sung Kyu.
It may seem unusual for somebody who is reading this blog to find this article, but the following story is a true story, my story, still ongoing. It's about pain, Christmas, hospital, surgery, healing music, warm smiles, strong personality...
What happened to me for the past months surely happened to other people as well, but - in my case - the pacing was very fast and I had to use every solution to keep living day after day. A big, important part of the solution that helped me came from the Land of Morning Calm.
It might be interesting or not for somebody else to find out how my everlasting relationship with Korean culture began, but this occasion is good as any to write about it.
I invite you to voyage along with me, following old, sometime hidden memories about my slowly, meaningful, healing connection to Korean culture.
I always felt unconscious attracted to Asia, I searched, but I didn't know exactly what my focus will be or why. Thinking of the events from the past, some of them probably happened in the right moment; the process is still in ongoing ...
In 2009 I quit my job as a cashier-waitress in a fast-restaurant (was a part of a hotel) and since then I stayed home (due to the most easiest illness that nobody wants). Suddenly (fate !?) the Romanian Television Society broadcast the first South Korean TV drama "A jewel in the palace". I watched it, mesmerized of course, but my story doesn't starts now. After "Lee San, wind of the palace" and "Damo: The undercover lady", I wanted more. I watched online, with English subtitles, the romance-thriller series "IRIS" and I was trapped. I became so addicted to Korean language. Starting by copying letter by letter, I end up filling up my computer with books about learning Korean language, music, movies, magazines, books, everything else. Through the years, I listened music, radio programs, watch older or newer Cinema, TV shows, concerts, commercials; I'm still searching for Korean webtoon - almost every day doing something. Some say that, when you learn a new language, actually you learn two languages (your maternal language and the new one). In my case, my mouth speaks Romanian language, my brain - English, my eyes - Spanish and my heart - Korean. Although I never met or spoken with a Korean speaking native, I feel that this language fits me. I don't find it not hard, or easy, I just adore listening to it.
From late August to December my right leg hurt so much that I couldn't move. My body send me a wrong message. The real problem wasn't my leg. I met a doctor who recommended me to do a NMR (Nuclear Magnetic Resonance). The result was unbelievable: I was urged to do an spine surgery. Due to the Christmas holidays, I went to hospital in January. Till now - December was the worst month of my life. The pains was awful: I watched, but I didn't , couldn't see; I heard, but in the next minute I forgot ... I don't want to remember much, one of the saddest memory is this: because I couldn't move, for two days I sat near the Christmas tree without ornaments.
In the few moments without pain I said to myself that watching a Korean drama might enlivened me. I have a peculiar method of choosing a K-drama: I pick an actor / actress that I liked from the previous series and start the next series with him / her. So, here I was thinking of a Kdrama with "boys" in title will make me feel better, at least psychologically. Although I had another one in mind, I end up with "Shut up Flower Boy Band". What was next? I realized that a two months ago I finished a TV series with Lee Min Ki, so I focused on Kim Myung Soo. The pain couldn't let me recognized him from "Angel's last mission: Love". I always used music as therapy, so being in a boy band intrigued me. This is how my interconnected close with INFINITE members begun.
Something happened to me that I told myself will never happen again. When I was a young teenager I heard on a radio somebody singing. I didn't know who he was, but I was hooked for life. It was Elvis Presley. I like his voice, I seen all his movies (such an innocent ones), I don"t plan to know everything about him. Sometimes I use his voice as a music therapy. I said to myself that is "good" that is dead, because I can't see myself following someone (famous) periodically, searching for personal and professional news. Elvis was enough. But I was wrong ... For couple of months 90 percent of what I lived and did was new or uncomfortable or never thought I would do.
The first thing that popped up on searching online about INFINITE was their comeback concert in August 2023. It started interesting, continued with good voices and suddenly something got my attention. Now begins my story with KSK. I saw six guys singing and talking with the audience, smiling, being confident and... crying (In meanwhile I saw them cry a lot.) ... and holding their hands, as they were a family. Beside for the love for music, who kept them always united was their leader, Kim Sung Gyu. From that moment on, I was hooked on him. I heard him singing in the hospital ward, before and after my surgery.
Now, after almost four months, my leg still hurts. I did a few recuperating therapies and I can't wait to do walks while listening him singing. I have to make a playlist since he walks in many of his music videos. I end up having a daily dose of KSK. Doctor's orders, right !? A shy boy in a seat of a CEO ... He's not on ordinary 아저씨. He has a lot of common traits with Elvis, the obvious one having "increasingly sophisticated sense of entertainment", unaware that for him being an KPop idol it's not a job when he was gifted with a lot of qualities, such the singing style, charisma and stage presence, mesmerizing authority. He's more cute when he shows his flaws. In these four months, I probably watched about 25 % (more or less) of their YouTube content. Thank you Google Translate.
Same thing happened to me with Elvis and INFINITE too. While listening an almost-ripped-cassette with songs with Elvis, an older memory came giving me the certainty that I listened him years, years back. I could recognize him. The same thing happened with INFINITE voices as well. While I was watching the concert, the songs "Paradise" and "BTD" sounded familiar. Why? Around the years 2012, 2013 I was listening Arirang Radio. I still keep on my computer Word Documents with the playlist from those years. And, yes, my mind knew them since then without my knowledge.
Why the only solution for my back problems was the surgery? Because I chosen unconsciously to have a sedentary life. While I was in pain, I asked myself if someday I will be able to stay on my feet only 10 minutes without feeling hurt. What kept me living day by day was seeing INFINITE members dancing, giving me strength to be able to walk. Right now I can use my leg, but still I don't feel confident to jump or run or dance too much (strong moves). Is true, winter isn't over in my town. Even now there is snow on the peaks on the mountain which can be seen from my window. In my life I didn't want spring to come sooner like I want it now.
People having an Orthodox religion shouldn't have "human" icons on the their walls, but my exception would be a very small picture with Kim Sung Kyu 씨, a capture taken from the TV show "I live alone" while struggling finishing his exercising routine. Keep fighting! I know I will.
How I might've lived these months without his music? Surely with a bigger period of recovery. How ABBA said it "Thank you for the music" or Elvis nicely sings it "Always on my mind".
I hope that my intention was fulfilled: to show my gratitude for the soft tone of voice used in such an intelligent way of singing that kept me company for a long time. I wonder what I will do when I will completely heal. Will I still need to listen KSK or INFINITE music? A rhetoric question is coming: if it is so, should I stop cure myself or should I stop listening their music ?!
I let the best for last: Happy birthday Kim Sung Kyu Nim. My present is a wish regarding the professional aspect. It made me sincerely happy when - searching in dictionaries and other books about learning Korean language - I found the correct words to express my wish. I only hope that my little knowledge of Korean grammar was enough not to make a big mistake in doing it. Beside this humble, but sincere sijo, please receive my almost perfect 90° bow. This I can do without feeling pain.
Actually it would be extraordinary to listen live a concert with all the INFINITE members accompanied by an philharmonic orchestra, the well-chosen-songs being having orchestrated arrangements. My imagination goes wild thinking of colorful bouquets of flowers, a white piano, violins ... and 6 'penguins'. All the 6 INFINITE members in custom suits.
Since I decided to put my thoughts on online-paper, I had my doubts daily: to write or not to write them. I fought myself and successfully made it only to get it from my mind and blind. Oh, Evan Hansen, I know how you must've felt writing... More than that, I took as a sign the presence of the Romanian president on Republic of Korea.
If someone took his or her times reading this lines, thank you, but please, don't share it, distribute it, don't talk to nobody about it. As I said it before, I did just for therapeutic reasons. I don't want nothing else in return.
Although I let it be read publicly , it has it addressee. I'm 99'99 % sure that if this letter was a classical one, it would've return to sender. 괜찮아요.
Because I spent so much time "with him", in the end, allow me to say 고맙습니다.
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| Thank you, INFINITE. For me, it helps. |
